COGCOA Moontree

Cultural Temperature Scale

Cold isn't just the level of the mercury in the thermometer. For us it's a way of life.

°F °C Description
+70 +21 Hawaiians go into hibernation.
Canadians live in their bathing suits.
+50 +10 New York tenants try to turn on the heat.
People from Ontario plant gardens.
+40 +4 Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Albertans sun bathe.
+35 +2 Italian cars don't start.
+32 0 Distilled water freezes.
+30 -1 You can see your breath.
You plan a vacation in Florida.
Politicians begin to worry about the homeless.
Manitobans eat ice cream.
+25 -4 Lake Ontario water freezes.
Californians weep pitiably.
Cat insists on sleeping on your bed.
+20 -7 New York water freezes.
San Franciscans start thinking favourably of L.A.
Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts.
+15 -10 You plan a vacation in Acapulco.
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.
B.C. residents go swimming.
+10 -12 Politicians begin to talk about the homeless.
Too cold to snow.
You need jumper cables to get the car going.
0 -18 New York landlords turn on the heat.
Newfoundlanders grill hot dogs on the patio, yum!
-5 -21 You can HEAR your breath.
You plan a vacation in Hawaii.
-10 -23 American cars don't start.
Too cold to skate.
-15 -26 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo.
People from Miami cease to exist.
Canadians lick flagpoles.
-20 -29 Politicians actually do something about the homeless.
People in NWT and Yukon think about taking down the window screens.
-25 -32 Too cold for non-Pagans to kiss.
You need jumper cables to get the driver going.
Japanese cars don't start.
Ottawa Rough Riders head for spring training.
-30 -34 You plan a two week hot bath.
Pilsener freezes.
Bock beer production begins.
NWT residents shovel snow off the roof.
-38 -39 Mercury freezes.
Too cold to think.
Canadians do up their top button.
Calgarians go running with their coats open.
-40 -40 Californians disappear.
Your car insists on sleeping in your bed with you.
Quebecers put on sweaters.
-50 -46 Congressional hot air freezes.
Alaskans close the bathroom window.
Green Bay Packers practice indoors.
-60 -51 Walruses abandon Aleutians.
Sign on Mount St. Helens: "Closed for the Season".
Ontarians put gloves away, take out mittens.
Boy Scouts in Saskatchewan start Klondike Derby.
-70 -57 Glaciers in Central Park.
Hudson residents replace diving boards with hockey nets.
Green Bay snowmobilers organise a trans-lake race to Sault Ste. Marie.
-80 -62 Polar bears abandon Baffin Island.
Girl Guides in Saskatchewan start Klondike Derby.
-90 -68 Edge of Antarctica reaches Rio de Janeiro.
Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 26 miles.
Ontarians migrate to New York thinking it must be warmer south of the border.
-100 -73 Santa Claus abandons North Pole.
Canadians pull down ear flaps.
-173 -114 Ethyl alcohol freezes.
-297 -183 Oxygen precipitates out of atmosphere.
Microbial life survives only on dairy products.
-445 -265 Superconductivity occurs.
-452 -269 Helium becomes a liquid.
-454 -270 Hell freezes over.
-465 -271 Quebec drivers drop below 150 KPH on 400 highways.
Too cold for Wiccans to kiss.
-458 -272 Jean Chretien renounces a campaign contribution.
-460 -273 All atomic motion ceases.
Canadians start saying how it's a tad nippy outside.
Wiccans move Bealtaine indoors. Contact Us Last Modified: 2005-12-05
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