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Miscellaneous Jokes

Random humour from the web master. Warning: If nobody else supplies jokes for this page they'll only get worse!


Silly Stuff

What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall? Dam!

What do eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.

How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, unique up on it.

How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.

What do you call santa's helpers? Subordinate clauses.

What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? Quattro sinko.

What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers.

What kind of coffee was served on the titanic? Sanka.

Why did pilgrims' pants always fall down? Because they wore their belt buckles on their hats.

What do you call skydiving lawyers? Skeet.

What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, clop, clop, clop? An Amish drive-by shooting.

What goes clop, clop, clop, tsk, clop, clop, clop? An Amish drive-by shunning.

Pagan Silly Stuff

What do you get if you cross an M&M with the Wicked Witch of the West? Someone you can only melt in your mouth.

What do you get if you cross a Rhode Islander with an Egyptian mummy? A ka with a low numbah.[1]

What do you call a Rhode Island driver who can't find the right gear? A submarine.[2]

What kind of chair does a Rhode Island High Priestess have? Wicca.[3]

What is a male honeybee's favourite magickal item? The caul-drone.

What is a Greek Witch's favourite snack? Pan pizza

What's a witch's favourite subject in school? Spelling

Why M&Ms are Wiccan

  • MM = Merry Meet
  • Round shape for wheel of the year, cycle of seasons.
  • Skins are different colours, but the inside is the same chocolate, because we are all related.
  • Associations with the colours:
    • Red = South
    • Blue = West
    • Dark Brown = North
    • Yellow = East
    • Orange = For the Solar God
    • Light Brown = For the Earth Mother (Copper Woman)
  • Rotate the M & M:
    • M = 13th letter of alphabet, and there are 13 witches in a coven.
    • 3 = Triple Goddess, three phases of the moon.
    • W = Witchcraft, Wiccan.
    • E = Enlightenment, Enchantment of chocolate.
  • "Melt in your mouth, not in your hand" -- Goddess's love must be experienced directly to appreciated. Also, Goddess will take care of you.
  • Sweetness to remind us of how sweet the love of the God and Goddess is!

What do you call 13 Witches in a hot tub? A Self-Cleaning Coven.

What is the best thing about Pagan friends? They worship the ground you walk on.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

Please hold. All our Muses are busy right now, but your inspiration is important to us.

The top 10 signs that you're becoming a "Fluff Bunny" Pagan:

  1. You have more crystals in your house than furniture.
  2. The image of the Goddess on your altar is the latest Barbie Doll.
  3. You have pink satin pentagram pillows all over your house.
  4. You greet fellow Pagans with "Rainbow-Bright Blessings!"
  5. Your Tarot cards have pictures of puppies and kittens on the back side.
  6. You use your Majorette Twirling baton as your athame.
  7. You have a stuffed "Fenris Wolf" plush toy on your bed.
  8. You continuously toss your head and shriek "Oh, my Goddess!"
  9. You think that "C & A" stands for "Cookies and Apple Juice."
  10. Instead of ritually invoking the God and Goddess you invoke Barney and Baby Bop.

What do you call a coven who vacation together at the seashore? Sandwitches.

What do you call their coven cat? Sandy Claws.


Footnotes:

[1] In Rhode Island it is considered a status symbol to have a low numbered license plate. The rest should be easy once you master the Roh-DYE'-lun accent.

[2] In RI, a big, long sandwich is called a grinder. Just for reference, a milk shake is a cabinet. Once you've figured that out, the next lesson is cawfee milk.

[3] What, you haven't figured out the accent yet?


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