Giving Pagans a Bad Name
You Might Be Giving Pagans a Bad Name IF....
- You insist that your boss call you "Rowan Starchild" because
otherwise you'll sue for religious harassment.
- You've ever confused the Prime Directive with the Wiccan rede.
- You've ever cast a spell with twenty-sided dice.
- You said it was bigotry when they didn't let you do that ritual in
front of city hall. It had nothing to do with being skyclad.
- You picketed The Craft and Hocus Pocus, but thought
that the losers who picketed The Last Temptation of Christ
needed to get lives.
- You've ever publicly claimed to be an elf, alien, vampire, fairy,
or demigod, and been genuinely surprised when not everyone took you
- You've ever publicly claimed to be the reincarnation of
Gardner, Merlin, Aleister Crowley, King Arthur, Cleopatra, Morgana Le
Fay, or Jim Henson, and been genuinely surprised when not everyone
took you seriously.
- You've suddenly realised in the middle of a ritual that you
weren't playing D&D.
- You've failed to realise at any point in the ritual that you
weren't playing D&D.
- You've suddenly realised that you are playing D&D.
- Your Book of Shadows is a rule book for Vampire: The
Masquerade with notes in the margins.
- You've ever affected an Irish or Scottish accent and insisted that
it was real.
- You talk to your invisible guardians in public. Score double if
you save places for them in crowded restaurants.
- You've ever claimed to have met the Vampire Lestat or Dracula.
Score double if you got into a fight and escaped. Score triple if it
was no contest.
- You own a ceremonial bong.
- You've ever tried something you saw on Sabrina, The Teenage
- You've ever insisted that Joss Whedon must be Pagan because
everything on Buffy the Vampire Slayer is so accurate.
- You've ever had to go along with someone's ludicrous story because
it was twice as likely to be true than most of what you say.
- You expect your employer to exempt you from the random drug
testing because of your religion.
- You've won an argument by referring to Drawing Down the
Moon, knowing very well the other person hasn't read it either.
- You've ever referred to the Great Rite in a pick-up line.
- Someone has had to point out to you that you do not enter a circle
"in perfect love and perfect lust." Score double if you argued the
- You claim to be a famtrad (hereditary), but you're not. Score
double if you had to tell people you were adopted to pull this off.
- You claim to be a descendant of one of the original Salem Witches.
Score to a lethal degree if you don't get this one.
- Someone once lost their boat delivering your ritual incense from
- You've ever used reincarnation as the intro for a pick up line.
You may deduct this point if it worked.
- You think it's perfectly reasonable to insist that, since every
tradition is different, and no one tradition is right, there's no
reason not to do things your way.
- You request Samhain, Bealtaine, and Yule off and then complain
about working Christmas.
- The thing that drew you to the Craft was the potential to dance
with naked members of the opposite sex.
- You strip in a club like the one in Porky's under your
craft name, and consider it highly appropriate.
- You've ever been psychically attacked by someone who conveniently
held a coven position you crave, and suddenly had a glimpse into
their mind so you could see how evil they were.
- You claim yourself as a witch because how early you were trained
by the wise and powerful such-and-such of whom nobody has heard.
- You complain about how much the Native Americans copied from
Eclectic Wiccan Rites.
- You're not a hereditary witch but you have a good disposition to
it because your ancestors (the ones before your German parents) were
Native American or Irish.
- You don't know the difference between Irish and Scottish, and you
alternately claim to be both.
- You think it's your Pagan Duty to support the IRA, not because of
any political beliefs you might share, but because, dammit, they're
- You think the number of Wiccan books you own is far more important
than the number you have read, regardless of the fact that most of
your books are for beginners.
- You hang out with people who each match at least twelve of these